If America has 9/11, I have 9/23. I’ve been commemorating 9/23 of every year since 1999.
9/23/1998 was what I called as “The Bonding”. Remember what I told you about the schemes my friends were making? This was the biggest scheme they’d ever done! The greatest effort in fact! But only those who were there and who have good memories will know what I’m talking about. I need not elaborate the exact happening but I’ll just tell you of what I felt during this momentous day of my life.
To start with, I woke up that day with a very heavy heart. I had realized that I had fallen for him and there was no chance of him liking me too. It was all because I treated him so badly when he wanted me to be his friend. I regretted a lot and I concluded that it could never be us.
When I arrived school, I heard rumors of him and his long-time crush to be together. Then my heart sank again. But my friends were so alert that they hindered it and tried so hard to make it “him and me”. Luckily, they succeeded in their plot. I was so happy that until now, I’m indebted to them for making such a great surprise! They had given me my happiest day.
But that was only for a day. The happiness I felt that day was replaced with sorrow in the following days of my existence. I wanted him so much – the one and only him. It was just so crazy! Even though we were apart, even though we were not that close as friends, even though we never shared special moments together, still I loved him. For years, I did! Of course there were other crushes but he was just so different. I really couldn’t understand why up to this very day. He seemed to be etched in my heart thus I had written the following composition last September 23, 2009:
11 Years Ago…..
11 years ago, I fell in love. I was only turning 16 then but it felt so real and it felt so right.
11 years ago, I was so happy for a day. So happy that I could still feel it right now!
11 years ago, exact date as now, I couldn’t sleep. I kept on thinking of him, savoring the moment we had that day.
11 years ago, in this very same room, I wished that hopefully it will be him and me.
A wish that has never been granted up to this day.
A wish that’s only in my mind and in my heart that God doesn’t hear.
Because in reality, until now, I only long. I only hope. And I only wish.
I often ask myself, “Would that only be my first and last time to fall in love?”
“Won’t I ever experience to love again?”
That’s my “11 years ago”.
And all through these years, it’s only him.
All through these years…
Then they say that it pays to wait.
But, if I’ve waited this long, can God give justice to my “11 years ago”?
And that was it – still a question left hanging. Hoping against hope, everything just went to ground zero when I found out months ago that he already got married. Henceforth, justice was not served!
Of course it still hurts. God knows I preserved myself for this person only. I didn’t give anybody else chances to court me or even come up to me for I was afraid I might fall for them too. I remained single because I was still hoping for him and if he does come my way, it might be too late. It couldn’t be us for I had committed to somebody else already. I couldn’t allow that to happen for the reason that it was only him that I wanted most.
Craziness, isn’t it? I am so abnormal! Loving a person who never loved me back. Worst, loving him even in his absence! This is so effin’ pathetically ridiculous and I hate myself for this! I am so damn a fool! I had wasted time, boys, and chances of falling in love just for him. But, it’s me who’s to blame and it’s me who’s at fault.
And now that he’s married, 9/23 of 2011 would mark the end of this obsession. Well, it’s about time! I had to move on and grow up. I had to be open to possibilities with any guy I meet. In commencement to this first love story and after pouring all my heart out into this writing, I would like to inform him that I’m letting him go. It’s painful for I have been nursing a soft spot in my heart for him for years. But what can the damsel in distress do?! Go up to him and tell him that she loves him? No way! It would just be a waste! Anyhow, I can manage. I’ve been managing long enough, right? And as far as I’m concern, I had lived. Just let me do the honor of giving this final message to him:
Dear First Love,
As an evidence of not keeping you in my heart anymore, I am now accepting your friend request in Facebook. It had been there for almost two months already. Sorry to keep you waiting but just consider that I had a total of 13 years of waiting in vain. Without bitterness in my heart, I wish you a happy married life! 🙂
A Grown-Up Osang
So long to my first love! I now bid him farewell! I promise myself that there’ll be no 9/23 next year anymore!
Finally, my first love story has ended. Thank you so much for bearing with me all throughout September! Though I’ve never been into a relationship, seeing sweethearts warms my heart. So I’m giving these lovely couple key chains for you and your sweetheart. Just do the following easy steps:
- Click LIKE on the Facebook Button below.
- Have your sweetheart to LIKE this too.
- Email your name, your sweetheart’s name, and mailing address to email@example.com.
The 13th (for the 13 years) person to send in his/her entry will be proclaimed the winner. Deadline for submission of entries will be on September 30, 2011. So join now and have these cute little tokens of love!