What a shame!!! Today is already 12-12-12 but still, I am NBSB!!! Now I believe that making New Year’s resolutions just won’t do! Tsk tsk tsk…. What a real sad state in life! So I guess, I’ll be the one to send gifts to myself for Christmas again!:(
Well anyway, I wished to do something extraordinary as this day started. I wished to go out, grab my cam, and just do stupid stuffs (because I haven’t been stupid all my life or maybe I just think so)! I wished to ride on a zipline, bunjee jump, ride on a roller coaster – you know, experience all those things that could teach me how to conquer my fear. ‘Coz all my life, I’ve been living so fearfully careful not to commit mistakes (and this is one factor of me being an NBSB).
But work didn’t allow me to. I’m in bondage with all the workload I have (or perhaps, I just wanted to keep myself busy to forget my epic fail). So as this day is about to end (at about an hour and 15 minutes), I challenge myself to be bold! Not even thinking, I would just like to blurt out things here in an extraordinary way. Like revealing the identity of a love interest that had once come my way, unveiling an imagination of a dream sex life (Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired), or just simply writing about my long-time crush who is still a Pangarap Ka Nalang Ba? until now.
Then again, I think I got to choose the third option because maybe the wind might blow this post to reach him. Waha! Well, he’s just a cannot-be-reached guy. I’ve been eyeing him since we were kids (I just saw him once and instantly got a crush on him)! That was only the first and last encounter! When high school came, I saw him again but only during city parades come fiesta time. In college, I think never! And finally in 2007 (if I’m not mistaken), we were properly introduced but sad to say, he was slightly drunk and had no sense for a good talk. Then I just saw him occasionally around our small city with him not even remembering nor noticing me (it’s a good thing I never said “hi” nor smiled at him).
Until I met him again at a party of our common friend in 2009. I was with the one who introduced us to each other so I guessed this time, he might recognize me. So, just a smile and a “hi” – no talk, whatsoever! The following year, I got his number from another common friend but I never had the guts to text him. Even a single forwarded message, NEVER!
After almost two years, I finally texted him because I was obliged to. It was something to do with my duty in my extra-curricular activity at that time. And FYI, I just had the guts after seeing him more often (after some “hi’s”, smiles, and small talks) and after re-introducing by another common friend. Wheew!!! What a prolonged jeez-I’m-here-liking-you stage!
And until now, I haven’t leveled up! Could he ever be just a pangarap???!!! Some dreams of mine had already come true but will my dream of him looking my way ever come true? Louie Thom-Arman E. Yu, just how out of reach can you be?
There I’ve said it all (with trembling fingertips)! I now did something extraordinary this 12-12-12, the last repetitive date that we’ll ever witness until next century! I promise never to delete this post no matter how shameful can this be if ever he’ll get to read this. Hope your 12-12-12 had been extraordinary too!!! XOXO