#12daysto32 Day -5: Hearty Lunch at the Mooon

It was only last night when I had written this.  It was only last night when I became more determined to keep my only hope.  But today, something unexpected came up.  From out of the blue, my friend Pen2x just texted me to have lunch with her.  It was just a casual catch-up-with-a-girl-friend kind of lunch until surprisingly, Pen2x asked me about the matter of the heart.

As a secretive person, I don’t usually open up to friends with what’s inside my heart.  If possible, I’d like to keep the matter of my heart all by myself.  (That’s why I gave birth to this blog.  So I could just write all my heart out without reservations!)  But with Pen, I couldn’t hide a thing from her with the kind of prangka questions she threw at me.  It was like being on a hot seat with Boy Abunda where you can just answer back and admit some feelings.  Then she gave me what she quoted as “unsolicited advice”.  It only took a few minutes for her to nail it!  She directly shot the target which made me into thinking, up and awake until 2 AM!

Definitely, everything she said were all so true.  By now, I have to admit that I’ve been living in illusion.  Last summer, I had written this – my way of saying goodbye.  But I didn’t do it completely for I still held on to the fantasy.  I think it’s about time that I must reiterate my way of saying goodbye.  On contrary to what Pen said, I couldn’t, couldn’t confront him for a closure.  As what Steph said in Maybe This Time, “Sometimes not having closure is the closure!”.  I couldn’t demand that from him so I’ll just have it by myself.  I just hope that this time, it will work out.

After years of keeping him in my heart, again I say that I’m now letting him go.  This is for the better, this is for my growth.  Not being teary-eyed while writing this I think, is a good sign unlike before.  Maybe this time, I’ll be starting over again.  Ok, fine!  So be it!  If this is God’s will, then I’m heeding it.  Though I am not heeding heartily, I’ll just let it be.  For what else can I do?  He is God and I am not.  It just confuses me why He even gives us freewill if He still controls our fate?  He intervenes a lot, as in a lot!  With my career and with this, it just sucks!  Ooops, sorry.  I think I might just stop this before I sin any further.  Sorry, Lord but I guess people need someone/something to blame for the misfortune, the misery, and the misadventure they have……

Anyway, thanks Pen at nauntog na rin ako!  You are heaven-sent for me to wake up to my senses!

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