“Verses for Jogjakarta”: A Bittersweet Memoir by Ted Nudgent Tac-an

VERSE 1: EXISTENCE

You may not notice me

                                                                        yet I exist

You may not appreciate my presence

                                                                        yet I have sense

I just want you to be persistent

                                    in making use of my

                                                                        existence

VERSE 2: CAMOUFLAGE

iamnothidingmytrueself

iamafraidofhowyouwilldealwithme

andsoiblendwithwhoeverissurroundingme

icamouflagewiththem

VERSE 3: |UNGUARDED|

|Love| is ||not|| about |attractions|

It is even ||more than|| having |relations|

It speaks ||no|| |boundaries|

It is [unguarded]

VERSE 4: I HATE YOU

I hate you

I want you to keep away from me

I want you to disappear like bubbles

I want you to fade and leave no traces

                                                            I just want to wake up the next day without you

                                                            I just want to see a brighter me

I love myself without you

                                                            I hate you not because I do

                                                                        but because you made me learn

                                                                                    how

                                                                                                to

                                                                                                            fall

                                                                                                                        in

                                                                                                                                    love!

VERSE 5: JUST HATE ME

Just hate me —

Just don’t bury your love

your love is like a seed

 — it might grow

Just don’t cry

your tears will water the seedling

 — your love might grow bigger

Just don’t be gone by the wind

the wind will give breath to the plant

 — your love might become a tree

Just don’t stalk at my profile

your stares will be so glaring like a sunshine

— your love might allow the tree to bear flowers

Just don’t curse me

your curses are like prayers

— your love might allow the flowers to be fruits

Just hate me —

                                    you may not forgive me

VERSE 6: I AM SAYING GOODBYE 

I am saying goodbye…

not because I am leaving you

but because I will just go

to the other part

of the world

I am saying goodbye…

 not because I am abandoning you

 but because I will just need

to get back into the reality

of my work-a-day world

I am saying goodbye…

 not because I am forgetting

 but because I will just try

to find back home

of how much I can forgive myself

I am saying goodbye…

 not because I want to

 but because

 I want to see you again

Goodbye…

-Written by Ted Nudgent Fernandez Tac-an in Jogjakarta, Indonesia on March 2015 during his Indonesian Arts and Culture Scholarship

Interview with the Writer

Me: How did you come up with the idea of writing these verses?

Ted: When I first arrived in Jogjakarta, I had a feeling of unnoticed. It was a personal feeling because I was thinking that locals didn’t see any difference with my physical outlook – I closely look like an Indonesian.

Me: There’s a saying that no man is an island. How did you manage to reach out to them?

Ted: Few days had passed and I still felt like being alone. And so, I tried to open to different possibilities in how can I mingle with my teammates.

Me: So were there any progress of your move?

Ted: A month had been unfolded and I started to embrace a home away from home. I once thought that I will just be a mere tourist here in Indonesia, yet I ended to love it now.

Me: Wow! So you’ve learned to surf through the waves. However, your stay was only temporary. How did you feel about it?

Ted: It was our last few days and separation anxiety kept winding my mind. I am in love with the extra special city of Jogjakarta!

Me: How did you cope up with separation anxiety?

Ted: Last week of the program was making my emotions unstable. I debriefed myself for me to feel easy going back home. I am sorry Jogjakarta, I am leaving the soonest.

Me: How did you end it up?

Ted: This was a heart breaking moment. I am saying goodbye!

More About Ted

Ted Nudgent Fernandez Tac-an is my colleauge in La Salle University who finished a Bachelor’s Degree in Secondary Education Major in Mathematics. Contrary, he’s based in Singapore at the moment to finish his scholarship in theater arts at Intercultural Theatre Institute. That’s why we clicked as friends. I’m an engineering and applied science nerdo yet turned out to be a lover of the arts and humanities. He on the other hand is a math geek yet turned out to be a globe-trotting artist. Do check out our very first project together last month during his very short vacay here in Phili in this post. In addition, he’s also one of the members of Misamis Occidental B/Vloggers. For more about Ted and his travel adventures, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and FOLLOW his social media accounts below!

FB Page: Ted Nudgent Fernandez Tac-an
YouTube: Travel Beyond Imaginations
IG: @tednudgent

For questions, invites, and collaborations, direct message me on Facebook.  For updates on my whereabouts and whatabouts, follow me on Twitter and Instagram!

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