An Eve to My Adam (Photo Taken by Mary Anniver)
In contrast to what I did 6 years ago when I wrote love letters to all the boys I’ve loved before (the first crushes and first loves), here’s a tale of another group of passers-by in my life whom I had somewhat hoped for to be the one. Just a continuation to what I’ve left, another 7 boys came and these are my stories:
Another Mr. J
Being a teacher, it’s inevitable for students to admire. I often hear from them, “Miss, I’ll grow up fast”, “Miss, wait for me”, “Miss, I’ll come back for you” and so on and so forth. My reaction was to always laugh at them, flattered of course to be having such attention but never believed any one of them. Until one day, a student did come back announcing that he already got a job. Then there was the FB messaging/flirting and months after, I agreed to see him. He picked me up at the store, we went Christmas shopping together, a friend of his saw us at the department store, after paying the toys I bought for the street kids (an annual project), him laden with shopping bags suddenly got a call, he excused himself and came back with a courtesy booth number. He left all the shopping bags at the booth for me to collect ‘coz he had to go home for an emergency. Expectation was for him to treat me with snacks after shopping. Reality was I was left there hanging at the department store alone! What must’ve been running on his mind after seeing his friend? That night he texted an apology and I said OK, days later he messaged on FB asking me to lend him money. Of course I did not. Then from that money thingy, he downgraded for cellphone load! Oh, I’m not some cougar and it took courage for me never to reply to his messages ever again! Yes, I may never have a boyfriend since birth but I will never finance just to have one!
Another Mr. M
High hoping again, always passed by at his store for him to notice. Indeed we became friends! I bought items from him, him from me. No FB-ing, no texting, only instances of catching up at his store. Convos had gotten quiet well each and every time until there was a hint of possibility. But when I invited him for singles fellowship, that’s the time he divulged that he’s getting married! Oh, “I’ll just introduce you to the couples fellowship instead”, I replied.
Another Mr. D
A man amongst his classmates. Looks familiar. Oh, a Chinese businessman in my class furthering his studies to get more projects for the upcoming Build, Build, Build Program. The looks? Check! The height? Check! The built? Check! The brains? Not so but I considered ‘coz what on Earth will he do with Chemistry when he already got 7/8-digit projects?! Did I pray for him? Check! But the next semester, he didn’t enroll anymore ‘coz his studies had got on the way for the build, build, build! Last time I’ve heard, his family still sets him up on blind dates but nobody has not yet got on the way for the build, build, build!
Co-single, co-profession, co-worker in Christ. This is it! He must be the one! My heart was whooping when we got introduced! Butterflies in the stomach? Not really. He was the “ideal” on what the one should be so I must be interested in him. We became friends, spent time with each other along with our other friends, and bonded together. Then I became his Ate Mae. Since he was ate-ing me, I obliged to consider him a brother. Faking on how I treated him, I was actually a traitor to our friendship. So that’s just it. We remain to be brother and sister in Christ.
Not much to say because I already wrote about him here. From childhood until today, he has always been my pangarap ka nalang ba? Well, I thought he started reaching out to me last year but he suddenly ghosted me. Pangarap ka nalang ba? indeed! Haha!
Another Mr. E
The bad boy in my wild dream. The only one I got to see with intention. The forbidden fruit from the tree that when I ate of it, I got exposed! He could read me and see right through me like an X-ray! He was my rebellion for all the unanswered/ungiven boys I prayed for. Shame and guilt, I knew he was unavailable. Mental torture, I knew I was illegal. Condemnation, I couldn’t forgive myself. He was north, I was south. I was positive, he was negative. Truly, opposites attract and the jolts were real! If only he was available. It was never what I wanted but I have no regrets. With him I had my life’s craziest adventure! From naive and innocent, he had me grown up. So still thanks to him for the many splendored things! Once my reality, he is now a fantasy.
Snob, arrogant, feeling handsome. Well, he truly is handsome. Suddenly became friendly, I was taken by surprise! We are the same in every single way, another ideal that should be the one. Run here, climb there, swim here, drive there, go everywhere! I always said yes to his invitations. Then I started to expect but when cornered by our friends, that’s the only time he divulged that he’s already married and in love with another girl! Haha! Some fate to me, huh?!
Oh, boys! Is it just me only hoping or are you the ones making me hope? Haha! That’s supposed to be my whining! However, I came to a realization. Because I wanted to be a lot of things, I missed wanting to be the most important thing – being a girlfriend/wife/mother. So I was not attracting a relationship! In my mind I only desired to find and be with the one but deep down, I was more busily doing all sorts of things to experience what I haven’t experienced in my teenage years, expand my career and have that fat bank account! So now, it’s not them to blame. Although all of my love stories were a flop, I can console myself that it’s OK because they are Adams of other Eves. And in due time, I will have my own Adam, too. The one who will not give me a flopped ending but an ordained beginning. In His time, I’m gonna have that relationship that honors Him. And for you who happen to have the same love story as mine, yes, you too have an Adam to be your very own!
And this seals another chapter of my love life. Not really a life ‘coz I haven’t had that something official just yet. A dozen boys had come my way but I really did not have any one of them. It was only “just so I thought”, “just so I felt”, “just so I experienced”! Poor, unfortunate me? Nah! Just as I’ve said, this is another THE END of the past I have to leave behind for that one true love to come my way! Until my Adam finds me! 🙂
To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a novel written by Jenny Han.