As winter is coming to an end, I can now proudly say that I’ve survived my first winter! Two whole months of staying at home, two whole months of not having a regular source of income, two whole months of hibernating! I was hiding from too much cold ‘coz my nose bleeds literally easily. I was getting away from the snow so I won’t slip on block ice to protect my spine. I can’t risk my lumbar so I won’t suffer sciatica ‘coz I’m miles away from my chiro. So staying in the comfort of my room with my portable heater on for additional warmth for tropical vibes was my only option in winter season.
Winter was by far my most depressing experience, being in a foreign country alone with the wrong reason. I felt lost, I was suddenly uprooted from my comfort zone. I felt chaotic, I only came here to get stressed. I stressed working to pay for another stress which is schooling. I didn’t understand what on earth am I doing here in winter season! But in all those moments of confusions, I battled to give my thoughts some light. I went back to practice yoga and meditation again. I went back into writing again. I neglected those things I’m most passionate about since getting here. My priority was to work and earn for my tuition, rent, and living expenses.
I was always anxious on how to make ends meet because then and again, I have no one in this foreign country. I was always worried to end up homeless in the streets of Toronto especially in winter season! But after spending time with myself in these two whole months, I slowly went home to myself again! I had grown up! I became brave! And to mention, I finally got my period for the first time since I arrived August of last year! I arranged my thoughts and came to a conclusion that though I had that wrong reason, it is the right decision for me to be here!
I cried, I laughed, I stumbled, I got up! Indeed there are seasons. A season to be sad and a season to be happy. A season to sow and a season to reap. In winter season, I am sowing and I have faith for its harvest!
Doing this video is like preparing for a production for me. I’ve been practicing as if I will be presenting this in a stage to a big audience. I was always thinking of a space where I can record. I cannot do it outdoor in winter season, I cannot do it anywhere else in the house since there is no vacant space. Gladly, Seneca York Sport and Recreation Facility opened again due to easing of protocols just in time for study week so I had time to record. This proves again that if you have a desire in your heart, the universe will open up doors for you!
So this post is dedicated to my family who always said, “We’ll send you money for your airfare. We’ll give you money to start over again. So just come home.”
This post is dedicated to all my friends back in the Philippines and other countries who always encouraged me, “Keep going. You’re only starting. Soon you can adjust. Don’t come home!”
This post is dedicated to my new friends here. I couldn’t thank you enough for the guidance, for watching over me, and for taking care of me by driving me around and taking me to places to unwind and for the almost weekly supply of food and groceries! May God shower you with more blessings!
This post is dedicated to Uncle Baludoy for his constant emails of encouragement. It’s like getting love letters everyday!
This post is dedicated to all my yoga teachers. I may be self-practicing since 2018 but each and every time I get into my mat, your words are still in my ears and my heart.
This post is dedicated to those who are in the season of confusion. Trust the process. Soon there will be light! Believe in the magic of the season!
P.S. I may not execute the perfect asanas since I am only self-practiced (I’ve got no in-person teacher to correct me) but I know someone who dances to the Lord with all her heart! Nobody has ever danced as gracefully and as passionate as you Ate Mayet Ouano, in the stage of Happy Church! Oh how I miss seeing you dancing!
Original Song: Seasons by Hillsong
Version: Ronald Biyo (rbiyomusic on YT. Subscribe to his channel)
Vocals: Mae Espino
Choreography: Rashmi Ramesh (Yogalates with Rashmi on YT. Subscribe to her channel)
Location: Seneca York Sport and Recreation Facility, Toronto, Canada
No copyright infringement intended.
Chris Davenport – composer
Benjamin Hastings – composer
Ben Tan – composer
Hillsong Worship – Primary Artist