#12daysto32 Day -4: Matter of the Heart

Last year I promised not to be sentimental on my birthday for I’m already too old for that!  Last year I also promised that that would be my last birthday to celebrate alone.  But another year had passed and I am still “alone”.  Quote and quote, you know what that means.  So for this year, I’m trying hard to be happy for me not to feel alone.  But regardless of the flash flood of birthday greetings, regardless of the abundance, regardless of the gifts received, and regardless of the people who love me, I still feel alone.

Then my decision on not throwing a big party is quite good.  For when the lights are off and when the party’s over, I will still realize that I am indeed alone.  And for tonight that the tides are already down and I have some downtime to reflect, I am sharing to you the matter of the heart.  But this is not a desperate-mode post.  I thought I might give you a disclaimer first for I already developed a habit on that.  On contrary, this is a post of keeping the faith and in tightening my belt on what really is to come.

Again, I’m reminded of what God intends me to be.  Though there are still complaints and grumbles, I am still under process.  I can’t say that I had accepted this fully.  It is still hard, you know.  Still pitiful as I can say.  But as of the moment, I am clinging to only one hope that spices up my life every now and then.  I don’t know but God is just a joker god for allowing this to happen to me!  At least I have this to hold on to.  Though it might just be an illusion, at least I am having something to live for.

Well, the story still continues.  Who would’ve thought and who would’ve guessed?  The rest is still unwritten…..

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Being able to wait is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say “I love you”, but not everyone can wait and prove that it’s true!
– Anonymous
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