My Journey to Self-Love


In yoga, coming in and out of a pose takes a breath in and a breath out.  So as life.  Coming in and out of each season takes a breath in and a breath out.  One day you’re in gloom, another day you’re basking in a glorious sunshine.  One day you feel hopeless, another day you’re full of light and love!  As you have followed me, I ended 2020 and started 2021 depressed.  You may take a look at my ill post here and my story here so I won’t be writing about my plight in this blog post anymore.  What is important was I made broken look beautiful, honoring the love more than the loss!  So here’s my story on how I came home to myself.

Last year, I thought I had learned to love myself in this post but after the second time around of allowing myself into a wrong relationship, I realized that I haven’t really loved myself at all.  I don’t want to bother you with that story anymore and what I’d like to tell you is my process of moving on. 

To start with, early this year, I realized that I was a religious fanatic.  Yes, I do believe in the triune God and I was so strict in my faith.  I was always upright, uptight, doing away with sins even the white lies until I sinned one time, big time!  I was so hard on myself in my faith and when “I thought” God did not give me what I wanted, I ended up in rebellion causing me that ill-fated sin.  But what happened happened and through His grace, I am forgiven.  By the blood of Jesus Christ, I am cleansed, I am free.  Now I seal that sin and bind that curse not to take hold of me forever in the name of the Holy Spirit!

Since all my life I was so focused in obedience to my faith, I always put myself last.  Yes, this is Jesus’ teaching – die to yourself.  Christ before me, the world behind me.  But I missed something.  I haven’t truly died to myself since I was always complaining.  I didn’t honor God fully since I was always ranting. So I ended up hating Him for whom I’ve become as “I’ve thought” that this was what He wanted me to be.  And out from my ill thoughts it manifested until God opened my eyes of the freewill He had gifted us.  

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Disclaimer first, what I’d like to share with you is not a contradiction to our faith in God because in every belief, the philosophy is just the same.  If the Holy Bible says love your enemies as yourself, then Qur’an says repel evil with good and the person who was your enemy becomes like an intimate friend.  If Jesus says what you sow is what you reap, then Buddha says do good things and good things will come your way.  I need not mention all the other holy books and sacred men anymore because as we age, we’ll get to find out that living life here on Earth only follows the same philosophy – what goes around, comes around.  Life is indeed a cycle. 

So with this, as a woman, I learned to sync-in with the feminine energy of the moon.  I incorporated the philosophy of the lunar cycle to my day-to-day living and my life became exciting!  I learned to be specific in what I really want to happen in my life.  I learned to put action for my desires to come into fruition.  I learned to let go of things that are out of my control.  I learned to accept things that are meant for me.  And most especially, I learned to let the universe be!

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  1. New Moon – New Beginnings

The new moon provides a clean slate, the time for planting the seed for your intention.  An intention is not about asking God to give you what you want but it is setting out to the universe what you desire the most with mind and heart in one accord.  You have to visualize and feel what you desire.  Set it with emotion, your energy in motion.  Your mind is powerful so you have to own it!  Whatever you think, so shall it come to pass so be careful what you wish for ‘coz you just might get it.

  1. Waxing Crescent – Set Intentions

The waxing crescent is the time when the moon’s energy is beginning to build.  Use this time to plan on what steps you’ll take to back your intention up.  If you deem your intention to be too ideal, this phase gives us space to refine so to make it more attainable.  Just follow SMART!

  1. First Quarter Moon – Make Decisions

The first quarter moon pushes us to do some action.  Desires without action only stay in our fantasy.  This was what I missed before.  I only prayed hard to God to give me my desires but didn’t act on it.  And when I thought He did not answer my prayers, I grumbled.  So in this phase, we’ve got to work on what we want and not just stay in wishful thinking mode. 

  1. Waxing Gibbous – Trust

The waxing gibbous tells us to trust.  You had set your intention and worked on it so it’s time to let the universe be.  You might notice that nothing is still happening, reminding us to have faith in the inner workings of the universe.  Even though you cannot see any outcome yet, bear in mind that the universe always has our back!

  1. Full Moon – Seal Intentions  

The full moon is the peak of the moon’s energy.  This is a great time to celebrate the actions that we’ve done.  Take note, the actions and not the outcome.  As what I’ve experienced in the past, I always looked at the outcome and not the process.  I just thought of what I wanted and did not consider the ways on how to get what I wanted.  This time, the full moon enables us to acknowledge the journey and not the destination in sealing our intention.

  1. Waning Gibbous – Gratitude

The waning gibbous is the time when the moon’s light starts to decrease.  In contrast to the waxing gibbous when we are taught to trust, this phase now allows us to receive what the universe has in store for us.  If your desires haven’t manifested yet, you may revaluate and course correct.  But as what people always say, gifts given are not always in the exact package as we wished.  So whatever the universe gives us, we gladly receive with gratitude for it surely is not intended to harm us.  Everything is always for our own good! 

  1. Last Quarter – Breathe

The last quarter moon or third quarter moon teaches us to let go and surrender.  Let go of things that are beyond our control.  Cut the energy of wanting something so desperately.  Release all attachments as the universe gives us what we attract, not what we want.  So for this moon phase, just breathe.

  1. Waning Crescent – Surrender

The waning crescent allows us downtime to reflect.  What were the lessons learned during the moon cycle?  Were all our desires given?  Was it a success or an epic fail?  Fall if you must!  And when things fall apart, just surrender.  Surrender and accept that whatever is happening at the moment, the universe is working on your behalf. 

Practicing to incorporate the energy of these 8 moon phases in my way of doing life expands my perspective in my faith in God.  He is not a God who squeezes our neck if we do not heed His ways religiously as what I always thought before.  With this, I learned to focus, be proactive, when to push, to pull, and to simply pause for rest.  It allows me to honor my thoughts, my feelings, and my desires.  Most importantly, I had given myself forgiveness for all my shortcomings.  I am now including myself to the equation.  I am now treating and loving myself as what I didn’t do before.  And guess what.  I am not blaming and quarreling God anymore.  It is so liberating to just dance with the ways of the divine and my divine is God.  Just no religion, only a faith-based life!

Lake Maragang, March 27, 2021

*You don’t have to be flexible to try out yoga.  Your pose need not be perfect.  Just listen to your body and be one with your breath!

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Confused on what I’m writing about? For questions, invites, and collaborations, direct message me on Facebook.  For updates on my whereabouts and whatabouts, follow me on Twitter and Instagram!  Also subscribe to my YouTube channel! 🙂  

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The Romance of Loving Thyself

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