If that song had been out by the time our magandang pagtitinginan was about to end, I would not have shed buckets of tears! If only I had listened to my other “conscience”, I would not have gone deeper. If only I ignored, I would not have been so affected.
Because the love story ended. Love stories that seldom happen to me. It was just so bad because we were left without a choice. I pitied him, I pitied me, I pitied us! It was so hard accepting the truth of us parting.
Sad to say, my reason to smile had become my reason to cry. I hated myself for allowing him to let me fall for him! I was so so so bitter! I was sour-gripping! I was stupid! I didn’t have any outlet to shout out loud my madness at that instant. My only friends were Snickers, siomai, and tequila (see My Notes atwww.facebook.com/maryrosalieo).
Acceptance, letting go, and moving on – 3 difficult phases that I had to undergo all by myself. It pained me a lot because it was so unfair! That for the first time in my life, I had loved somebody who loved me but it just couldn’t be.
Then again, I came to ask. What if he turned out to be a totally different person while I also turned out to be another totally different person in a different lifetime, would our fate have changed? But we cannot choose the person we fall in love with ‘coz it just happens!
However, I didn’t have any regrets because falling for him was still something beautiful.
Something beautiful happened to me! I fell in love! Though it left me, it’s still beautiful. Yes, I’ve cried. And though I’ve cried, it’s still beautiful. It made me feel human! It made me feel alive! It was unexpected and made me realize not to be afraid to fall.
So now, I’m excited for the “next please…”. Maybe this time, it will stay not for a while but for a long time… But I’m not wishing for forever since I’m not yet ready for the real thing. Love love love! Come love! Come magic! Come beauty! Come and make your surprises!
-Mary Rosalie T. Olandesca (April 11, 2010)
His mission in my life had been accomplished! Next in line please…